A Caregiver's Perspective

How I came to be Kara’s caregiver requires some background. We are high school sweethearts who reconnected shortly after Kara received her liver cancer diagnosis. Knowing her prognosis was grim, she reached out. It didn’t take long for our friendship to turn into love. Knowing full well how fragile her health was, I proposed. I came into this relationship with my eyes wide open. 

My career includes travel, but it works out well because Kara doesn’t need my help with personal care. She does, however, get extremely fatigued, so most of my caregiving responsibilities are the day-to-day ones, such as shopping, cooking and cleaning. According to her, though, how I help her best is through emotional and spiritual support. 

We both feel strongly about the connection between mind, body and spirit, and we are big believers in making sure our energy is going to the right place. Unfortunately, even though Kara is a natural caregiver and has always focused on taking care of others, she realized she wasn’t getting that back from some of her relationships. That was mentally and physically draining. So, we took a look at the people around us and identified the relationships that weren’t two-way. We set boundaries for some and decided others weren’t worth the effort. It was healing and allowed her to put her energy into positive places. 

Communication is also a big component of our relationship. We talk about everything, from how she is feeling to how we envision our end-of-life situations. These topics don’t freak us out because we’re practical, and we know death is a natural part of life. 

Something I don’t do, and would encourage other caregivers to avoid, is mourn the person while they are still here. Any of us could pass away tomorrow. All that matters is what we do today. 

No matter what our future holds or what my responsibilities as her caregiver become, it will still be better than anything I’ve ever had in my life. Our job is to find joy, and what Kara and I have is pure joy.

Click here to read Kara's story